Part-Time Job, Full-Time Crazy.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
 
See, this is why I didn't become a journalist.
In high school my family was always telling me to become a journalist. "You're such a good writer!" they'd exclaim. I suppose. This was also their job as a parent, to inform me of my strengths. But a journalist? Ugh! No! Write something new Every Single Day? Count me out! I don't need that kind of pressure. Moments of astute thought are like lightening with me. Ya know, I never know when it's gonna strike and usually I have a headache afterward.

I find a weblog is a lot like journalism. And, as we've just learned, I don't want to be a journalist. So, you're going to have to wait for the moments of brilliance.

And now, your moment of Zen.
Friday, January 07, 2005
 
Cute animal picture of the day!
All together now: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
 
Am I the only one who didn't know?
Did you know that Mars Bars don't exist anymore? Oh, you can look for 'em, but they won't be there. They are no more. They're now called "Snickers Almond Bar."
Remember when there was stuff that was like, ya know, off limits? Stuff you couldn't fuck with. Stuff no one dared fuck with. Well, those days are over. Prepare to have everything that ever meant anything to you fucked with. Nothing is sacred anymore.

I'm totally waiting for the teddy bear to be renamed the dubya bear.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
 
Did you know . . .?
That I can do a halfway decent Mick Jagger impersonation?* I discovered this last night.






* Brought to you by Fun Facts to Know and Tell.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
 
Are we, if you will, PoMo?
Steve and I have a charming repartee. A nice back 'n' forth. Or maybe I'm alone in this sentiment.
When we talk together in the presence of others we sometimes get strange looks, furrowed brows of concern, and comments such as, "are you guys always like this?" and the always tactful "you two are weird."
I was never sure exactly what it was that we were doing that would garner such reactions.
But last night something occurred to me.
Perhaps we are perceived as a sort of subversive Ozzie and Harriet. We smile toothy smiles, cock our heads simultaneously, laugh at each other's jokes, say things like "oh my!", "well, that's just terrific!" and so on. But at the same time, something perhaps evil bubbles underneath. Something unhealthy, immoral. We certainly look "normal." But I believe people imagine that, after work, instead of retiring to some cable news program or continuing to knit those baby booties, we steal down to the dark and dingy basement where we continue to dig our shallow grave pit for our intended victims. Or on the weekend perhaps we dress up like clowns and entertain the local school children, while they disappear one by one.

I proposed this idea to Steve who, like me, was delighted with the idea that we're possibly perceived as "subversive."

The plain truth of the matter is that we're dorks. We're just dorks.


Tuesday, December 14, 2004
 
So for my personal point-of-view, get an ugly girl to marry you! Ya ya ya!
Woah. I look like total crap today. I thought I was getting a cold, but instead I think I have winter allergies. Winter allergies are fucking stupid. Isn't everything, ya know, dead? What is there to be allergic to? My eyes and skin are bloodshot and my hair is ghoulish.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the office bathroom mirror and my jaw dropped. Christ, I thought to myself. Good thing you were having an aesthetically good day when you were hired here, cuz if you came a-knockin' today, they'd call security.

Ok, I didn't think *exactly* that, but something to that effect.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
 
Extra Extra Read all about it!!!
Holy shit. If you want to read an impressive, well-written, straight-to-the-jugular article about just how incredibly evil Our Fearless Leader is, click here!

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